I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
