Your mouth is God's brothel.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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