Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
