He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
