I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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