If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
