I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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