ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
