Someone shit on the floor
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
