How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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