Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
