P.S. I can't hear my feet
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
