She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
40s are totally the cure
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
