Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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