what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
