girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
