he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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