Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
