farters have to be the big spoon...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
