so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize