This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
