K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
