omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
