There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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