we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
