just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this just has baby written all over it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
