i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
