you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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