she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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