Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
