Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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