I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
