who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
