Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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