this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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