Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
