Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
