We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
