Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
