I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
