so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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