we have officially lost it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
