How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
