my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
cat food counts as protein by the way
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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