meet me or not, i'm out of control
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
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