I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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