if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they're like a gay fantastic four
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
