My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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