My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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