just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
