I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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