He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
