He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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