I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
