Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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