Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
