she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize