You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
