I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
