I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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