It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
