Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
