thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
