if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
