I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
