I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's Friday. Sex?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
