Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
