Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
