just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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