I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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