I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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