Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
