Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
