Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
