cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Say something about gay babies.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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