arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
