Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

(586): View more from Michigan

I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

No stitches, just platelets and will power

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(916): View more from California

New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.

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(206): View more from Washington

2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.

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