I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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