Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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