Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
