the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
