I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize