I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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