genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Randomize
