Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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