Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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